Dreary Monday

So, the Hospital just called to let me know that I can pick Levi up today. I’m happy, I truly am. But, I still don’t think he’s ready to come home.

He tried to cut his throat, with a pair of scissors, at school. Because he wanted to die, so he could talk to God. He has been assured repeatedly that you most definitely do NOT have to be dead to talk to God.

I think it circles back to what he tells me about before he was born. He has told me, for as long as he could string sentences together cohesively, that he spent 900 years in Heaven before he picked me to be his mom. He said that I needed him. He was absolutely correct!

Basically, I’m terrified. This time it was scissors. What will it be next time? Who will be there to stop him? Will he do more damage next time?

I will just go back into uber vigilant mode and watch his smallest action to see what I need to react with. Been doing it for years.

I love this child so intensely it hurts me. He was given to me, and to the world at large, for a purpose. I have believed that since I was pregnant. Time will tell.

Alright, time to suit up and wade back into battle. Ten days will have to be enough of a rest period. Wish us luck!!